...and I think something might be wrong with them. THE BEST 30 SECONDS OF YOUR LIFE (available soon on 7" vinyl and streaming now) is a spastic free for all of nonsensical bursts that CIRCUS PIG! are trying to call songs. OK. That's great, but the sites that host the album decided that they wouldn't allow songs so short to stream on their sites. So CIRCUS PIG! decided to give out the download for free with a bonus 12 songs of... annoying weird stuff. You'll love it! There's some songs about whiskey, and some songs about drugs, and some songs about whiskey and drugs. What's not to like? Download THE BEST 30 SECONDS OF YOUR LIFE (DELUXE EDITION) NOW and don't forget to check back on us about maybe making a 7" of this bullshit.

Two sides of relentless noise. Great. Play both sides at the same time. You know what it's gonna sound like? Noise. There ya go. Try it out. Do whatever. Download it here. Listen to it here.

 Midwestern Dreams, the first solo recording from a frequent Pigcrack contributor, R. Cro. A toned down step away from the collaborative works with Shwagbag Sean and Fisted Dickholes, Midwestern Dreams is a quick 6 solo acoustic punk songs about drinking at townie bars and getting high in cornfields. A unique one off E.P. produced to "kill some time in between projects". Download Midwestern Dreams FREE right now from Pigcrack Records!

IT'S OVER! NO MORE FAMILY GET TOGETHERS! NO MORE FORCED SONGS ABOUT BABIES BORN IN BARNS! NO MORE STRESS FILLED SHOPPING!!! YAAAAAAAY!!! So for the last and only day of Christmas we're giving you the opportunity to download all of those great songs we previewed over the last 12 days. And you know what else? We still got MERRY FUCKING X-MAS vol. 2 by CIRCUS PIG! That's right! This whole thing has just been us telling you to listen to our shitty Christmas album over and over. So do it. It's Christmas, I've got other things to do than entertain you. Go be with your loved ones or whatever you people do. I hate this time of year and I can't wait until it gets warm again and I don't have to think about what I'm doing for New Years and shit and I'm tired of writing about it. Go listen to our music. Thanks. Bye.

And Vagina the Clown showed up almost sober to read us all a bedtime story. We figured let's have the second most illiterate member of the Pigcrack crew try reading a Christmas classic and then we can all laugh at the clown while he struggles. How festive. How fun. How much longer do we have to pretend that we enjoy celebrating this God forsaken holiday? Seriously. Who came up with this shit? 12 days of Christmas? 12?!? Hanukkah goes on for like a week and even that isn't as bad as 12 fucking days of Christmas. I'm over this. One more day of bullshitting everyone and then I'm telling all of your kids that Santa isn't real. Merry Christmas assholes. 

 It's time to gather the family around to watch one of our favorite holiday movies Rene Cardona's Santa Claus. It's the timeless Christmas story of Santa Claus fighting the devil. Based completely on actual events. And to make things even better we've got CIRCUS PIG! doing the soundtrack! "CIRCUS PIG! does Christmas music?" you say? Why yes they do! And you can download it right here! Now you don't even have to go shopping for presents! You can just keep hiding in that basement room you rent, doing whatever it is that you do with your unemployment checks and pretend that you don't even have two children that live with their father in Omaha. It's not like you really wanted to have them anyway, right Stacy? Stacy? Oh my God, Stacy! Somebody call 911 I think she's overdosed!!! Stacy! Stacy, nooooo! This is the happiest time of year... Oh, and Paul McCartney wrote the worst Christmas song ever, and if you don't believe me just go listen to McCartney II. If you make it past Temporary Secretary you're doing better than most.

 On the ninth day of X-Mas Slots Crowder showed up and fucked everything. We thought he was dead. We'd hoped he was dead. Then out of nowhere Slots shows up at our front door declaring "I'm Papa Po'Boy Slots Mother Fucking Crowder and I can't ever done died!". He claimed he's been in Texas for a few years. He claimed to be working on a new album. He claimed he was going to make a video for his new Christmas single but after 30 minutes of filming he threw up and passed out in the alley way leaving us with next to no footage to use for the video. I'd make some witty remarks here about how your family is shit and the holidays always go sour somewhere down the line, but I think Slots went and did all of that for me. This is the kind of guy that goes to jail shoplifting presents from a WalMart on Christmas Eve. I have nothing else to say.

 Well here it is. The first single of the much anticipated Purgatory Or Perdition the ambient masterpiece of John Stokes and SPL‡R《ΔS‡R featuring most of the Pigcrack crew in some way or another! The track Over The Land Of The Midnight Sun features guest spots from our friend Ty Maxon, and our favorite shaman/drummer Max Honey. Rumour has it that the initial recordings for this track took place on an airplane somewhere between New York and Alaska while SPL‡R《ΔS‡R was under the influence of LSD and continued later deep in Thailand on a spiritual journey involving strict self discipline and toad venom. All of this culminates in a fantastic soundtrack to deck the halls too. What more could you want while spending hours decorating a house for a family that is just going to ignore all of your hard work and focus on the fact that your divorce still isn't final after 5 years, but then again maybe that was your plan all along, Brenda. Drug induced psychedelic soundscapes are just what the average Christian American household wants this time of year. God bless consumerism - I mean Christmas. 

 ON THE SEVENTH DAY OF X-MAS PIGCRACK GAVE TO ME... uh... I dunno. This. CIRCUS PIG!... song... thing? Yeah. CP! just told us "We got something else we've been working on. It's a new idea..." so whatever, here ya go. This has got to be, by far, the most festive release we have offered for the holiday. Nothing says Christmas more than a weird 30 second clip from an unreleased album that I can only describe as frighteningly annoying. Go ahead and put this one on while the family is around, I'm sure the 30 seconds of questionable noise will really help distract them all from the fact that you dropped out of college this year AND got a DUI on spring break, Jeremy. And everybody knows that you're the one who stole that $100 from mom your sophmore year to pay for your weed addiction. You're an embarrassment to this family and you'll never have a real job. 

 JOHN STOKES! The legendary John Stokes with a new single for the holidays! One of his first solo recordings in a while, Here is a sneak peak at a new John Stokes EP. A 3 and a half minute psychedelic joy ride right into the sun that'll leave your parents asking you why you looked so tired at Christmas dinner. Cause this seems to happen almost everytime you come back to town, you go out all night with that loser friend of yours from high school and then you're all sick at dinner. Talking crazy about Vietnam and getting Grandpa all worked up. You should be ashamed of yourself, Timothy. This is not how you get into the Christmas spirit and I WANT TO BE IN THE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT!!!