And Vagina the Clown showed up almost sober to read us all a bedtime story. We figured let's have the second most illiterate member of the Pigcrack crew try reading a Christmas classic and then we can all laugh at the clown while he struggles. How festive. How fun. How much longer do we have to pretend that we enjoy celebrating this God forsaken holiday? Seriously. Who came up with this shit? 12 days of Christmas? 12?!? Hanukkah goes on for like a week and even that isn't as bad as 12 fucking days of Christmas. I'm over this. One more day of bullshitting everyone and then I'm telling all of your kids that Santa isn't real. Merry Christmas assholes.