On the ninth day of X-Mas Slots Crowder showed up and fucked everything. We thought he was dead. We'd hoped he was dead. Then out of nowhere Slots shows up at our front door declaring "I'm Papa Po'Boy Slots Mother Fucking Crowder and I can't ever done died!". He claimed he's been in Texas for a few years. He claimed to be working on a new album. He claimed he was going to make a video for his new Christmas single but after 30 minutes of filming he threw up and passed out in the alley way leaving us with next to no footage to use for the video. I'd make some witty remarks here about how your family is shit and the holidays always go sour somewhere down the line, but I think Slots went and did all of that for me. This is the kind of guy that goes to jail shoplifting presents from a WalMart on Christmas Eve. I have nothing else to say.